my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
