Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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