The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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