you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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