one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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