Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
