does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
