i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
