I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
