never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
