i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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