the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
