Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I could fuck to npr.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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