I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
