This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
