Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
