I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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