I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
