During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
