Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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