P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
