I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
