I'll bet she douches with gravy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you will always have a special place in my vag
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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