its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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