Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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