I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
