If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
