It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
