dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
