Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
