Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
third nipple confirmed
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
