He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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