Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
