absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
