i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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