just tell him i said nine months
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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