Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
