My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
