if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
