Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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