I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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