Just cropdusted the office
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
