My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
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