You're my little dorito
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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