Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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