Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
