i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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