she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize