Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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