can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
