i permit you to call me
My cat gives me a boner
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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