where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
