CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
