She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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