I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
