so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize