I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
