we made out on top of his cat.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
