Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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