In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The ass gains better be worth it
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