How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
just found out that she named her cat after me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
