I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
