wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
