If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
