I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
